It's not over, ♥

2011-09-05T09:11:00.000+08:00

2011-08-24T07:22:00.000+08:00

senior year puts a massive load of mental pressure on me.
but if i wanna do something, i can
right? :D

2011-07-31T09:53:00.002+08:00

is the spoilt brat syndrome contagious? cos taking care of two has been making me complain like one too. ugh. :/

2011-07-23T02:04:00.002+08:00

seriously, there's no better time to stop and think than when insomnia kicks in. i've done everything i possibly could in the confinement of my not-so-interesting bedroom. finally cleaned my room, tried on clothes i haven't worn in ages, read Martin Luther King Jr.'s autobiography (till i got bored, which was like 5 pages into it), re-watched gossip girl, and now - blog. i think i haven't blatantly blogged about my mundane life in years, literally. seriously, i wish summer could be over sooner. then i'd get on with senior year and hopefully finish it in peace. point being, i wanna go back to Singapore as soon as possible. summer internship's a bore, especially since i'm not working at a hospital or any kind of community service facility. i'd be lying if i said i wasn't nervous about senior year. and i'd be lying if i said i'm not stressing out over summer homework that i'm not doing anything about. i keep telling myself over and over again that i need to stop being such a sloth and start working. my life depends on the exam i'll be taking in less than a year's time. that scares me, a lot. then the thought that i'd be 18 in a few months time isn't settling in as well. since i've always thought turning 18 would mean finally being an adult. when in fact, it really doesn't feel that different. guess that's when the old cliche kicks in - age is just a number. in case you're wondering, yeah i'm aware that i'm rambling on and on like a brainless 16 year old bimbo. try sleepless nights complete with boring and exhausting work day after day. you might be just as stupified as i am right now. so before i embarrass myself any further, goodbye.

2011-07-21T08:29:00.000+08:00

baby, i know i've said so many things that i didn't mean,
so many things that hurt.
and i'm sorry.
but for the first time ever, i've sensed fear.
fear for losing the one person i truly love.
and for the first time in my life,
i let someone be the most important thing in my life - you.
i know i've never been good with expressing myself,
and i probably never will be.
but one thing's for sure, i never, ever want to leave you.
i know it's difficult, dealing with someone as unpredictable as me.
so if you happen to be exhausted one day, let me know.
i'd understand, and let you go.
but if this means as much to you as it does to me,
then please know that nothing, not even distance and time,
can ever break us apart.
i wanna believe that this is real,
that we're truly in love and that this isn't some prolonged infatuation with each other.
but somewhere along the way,
i lost faith.
that was long before i found you.
long before i knew someone could love me for who i really am,
and not the facade that i put on every single day.
honestly, i've never been loved by someone the way that you love me.
and likewise, i've never loved someone the way that i love you.
trust me when i say that in my eyes, you're the best guy a girl can ever have.
and you know what,
i don't ever wanna let you go.

2011-07-13T19:15:00.000+08:00

i love you <3

2011-07-11T15:23:00.001+08:00

one year till the end of IBDP,

one year till we're done with high school,

one year till we receive the freedom that we've longed for,

one year till we grow up for real,

one year till we leave our friends,

one year till we leave our family,

and one year till i leave you.

one year can be so long yet so short at the same time. nobody has the right to tell us what we should or shouldn't do, where to go and who to part with. but what causes these things to happen? and then it struck me - time. time leads us through our lives, whether we like it or not. it just so happens to be one of those things that we can't control, no matter how hard we try. but what we can control, is how we use the time that we have. we can choose to use it either being alive or actually living life.

don't look back and regret what you have not done. at least i know i won't. :D

2011-07-09T09:15:00.000+08:00

你。。什么时候变成了我最熟悉的陌生人？

2011-07-05T10:31:00.000+08:00

i want him so badlyyyyy :D

(random dog)

2011-06-18T22:59:00.000+08:00

what if i love you enough to go the extra mile?
sometimes i wonder how we even got to where we are.
in your arms, i know that it's where i belong.
every night, i lie awake thinking how lucky i am to be with you,
how happy you make me and how right it feels being by your side.
every look, every touch and every kiss,
makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time.
and that's when i finally realised,
my heart - is right where you are.

2011-06-06T07:20:00.001+08:00

it suddenly dawned onto me how tiring it is being me.
i'm tired of chasing down unrealistic dreams, tired of trying to be the best that i can be. and sometimes this meant pushing myself way over the limit. and then i realised - is it really necessary? so what if i'm fatter, uglier or stupider? don't we all lie to ourselves saying that we live to please no one?

i wanna go back to Singapore, so badly.

2011-06-05T08:11:00.000+08:00

my baby boy! :D

2011-05-27T07:40:00.000+08:00

baby, thank you for everything.(:

i love you ❤

2011-05-24T13:43:00.002+08:00

sorry for being mean to you,
i had no other choice.
hate me,
but things need to change.

2011-05-23T19:13:00.001+08:00

i keep asking myself over and over again,
do i really hate you now, or do i just hate the fact that we're no longer friends?
i feel like a fool still hanging on the to false connection we once had,
the connection that was only present cos i was your target.
it wasn't real, at all.
still, why does it hurt that when you're less than 5 meters from me,
and instead of saying hi,
i can only hide and pretend you're not there.
if you've let go of everything, why can't i?
have i been over-reliant on you?
have i fooled myself into believing that you understood me?
once upon a time, you could read me like a book,
and i, you.
yet today, we're nothing more than strangers.
perhaps even worse,
cos even that smile of politeness or mere pretense,
isn't there at all.

2011-05-21T16:05:00.001+08:00

"You don't choose who you fall in love with and it never happens the way it should." ❤

2011-05-10T14:06:00.000+08:00

has everything changed from this point on?
why do i have nagging feeling of dread and regret?
i really thought that you were different,
thought that we could really make it through.
but now,
i don't know anymore..
baby, do you?
can we still love each other like before,
to go back to how we used to be?
it's only been such a short while, is it possible that everything's already going downhill?
as much as i don't want it to,
as much as i love you,
doubt starts creeping in and taking over.
i love you baby, don't break my heart.

2011-05-05T23:04:00.000+08:00

不知道从什么时候开始，发现你对我有多重要。
也许现在一切都太早，我们都无法去预测我们的将来。
但是，你要知道，不管有多少人反对、不赞成、甚至有意破坏，我都一定会跟你一起走下去。
因为，你值得。
如果我有一天爱上了你，怎么办？

2011-05-04T07:03:00.000+08:00

hey bitch i miss you,
i miss the times when we could hang out and talk for hours about everything and nothing at all,
i miss walking around aimlessly with you trying to explore new places,
i miss laughing myself silly when i'm with you,
i miss you.
hate the awkwardness between us,
yet i know that nothing can be done to change it,
still,
i wish, so badly,
that we could be back to normal.
you bitch.):

2011-05-02T18:02:00.002+08:00

我终于放心了，你一定要和她幸福哦！祝福你。:'D

2011-04-29T12:20:00.000+08:00

what now?

2011-04-29T01:24:00.000+08:00

i wanna memorize your face and have it tattooed in my heart :D

2011-04-27T20:00:00.000+08:00

听到了吗？那是我心碎的声音。
看你这样，我比谁都痛，比谁都难过。
只是有些话到了嘴边还是说不出口。
我知道一百个一万个对不起也不足以弥补我对你的伤害。
但你必须知道，这不是内疚，是心疼。
也许你不知道，可是你对我很重要。
失去了一个这么懂我而我又这么懂的人，谁受得了。
可是我知道你现在最不想见到的人就是我，所以我会离你远远的。
也许时间可以淡化那些伤痛，也许不会。
太多的爱往往会最终变成恨。
我知道，你恨我。
我想你，真的真的很想你。
我会等着你回来的那天，但如果那天永远都没办法到来的话，
那我只想告诉你，谢谢你，再见了，我最好的朋友。

2011-04-27T13:35:00.000+08:00

a mistake to begin with,
a mistake that hurts us all.
yet in the name of love,
we're both willing to give it a shot.
if we could go back in time,
i'd change a million and one things to lessen the hurt.
but one thing that i would never want to change,
would be falling for you.
❤

2011-04-25T20:33:00.000+08:00

you make me smile(:

2011-04-21T07:36:00.000+08:00

i'm not okay.

2011-04-05T08:31:00.007+08:00

❤

if happiness was a barrage of stars,
then fly me to the captivating night sky.

so what if i admit that i'm tired,
that i can't live in a pretense any longer.
so what if i fail to keep up this facade,
and reveal my true, fragile, shameful self.
so what if i yearn to be held,
to feel safe and protected for one minute of a day.
so what if my chase for perfection comes to a halt,
and all that's left is a cold, empty shell.

2011-03-27T13:10:00.000+08:00

can i stop this pretense for a second, and be needy just for once?
can i beg the world to come to a halt, just so i can take a breath?
can i stop pretending to have a heart of stone, when clearly i've fallen for you?

2011-03-13T15:47:00.000+08:00

总在瞬间错过对的人

2011-03-05T08:35:00.000+08:00

no amount of words could fix the hurt that i've caused,
and no amount of time could wash away all that has happened.
but regardless of that, i just want you to know that i'm sorry.
i truly am.
and from the bottom of my heart,
祝你幸福。❤

2011-03-04T22:30:00.000+08:00

一次次被逼得无路可走，无处可逃。

一次次又忍痛伤害别人伤害自己。

人活着简单点不好吗？

永远当罪人装坚强还能坚持多久呢？

2011-03-03T18:37:00.002+08:00

blessing in disguise? perhaps, perhaps. :D

2011-02-26T21:06:00.000+08:00

hey sis i miss you,
our family feels so incomplete without you around.

the more we try to simplify things, the more complicated they become.
how often do we look back and reminisce days that were long gone,
how often do we fail to appreciate the present and regret afterward,
how often does a smile extend from your lips to your eyes,
how often do you see yourself as a complete mess,
how often do you wish to skip ahead of time to where you've reached your goal in life.
in my case, pretty often.

2011-02-21T07:17:00.000+08:00

goodbye basketball season )':

if you can't handle me,
then stfu and stay the hell away from me. :D

2011-02-16T21:31:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry for everything,
sorry for making you misunderstand,
sorry for being such a bitch.
i hope you'll understand why i am the way i am,
and just let me go.
❤

2011-02-14T18:33:00.000+08:00

happy valentine's day! ❤

2011-02-14T18:11:00.000+08:00

it's not about the score,
not about pride,
it's about finally realizing how much of an idiot i really am.

2011-02-11T23:56:00.000+08:00

you know that things have changed when all of a sudden, you realise that wanting to see someone, hear his voice, hear him laugh, see him smile, have him around is no longer out of habit.
it's not out of habit that you inevitably smile whenever you think of him, want him to hold you whenever you're down, wish that you were with him during the darkest nights, and want to be there to make him smile.
and you realise that he's starting to tug more and more at your heartstrings with every little thing he does for you.
yet you can't let him know that you've fallen for him, because you know you can't afford to pull him into another emotional vortex.
or maybe you're selfish, because you know it's not the time for such distraction.
perhaps i sound preposterous right now, but if you were me, you'd know.

2011-02-09T22:45:00.000+08:00

this time, i'm terrified.. :X

2011-02-01T20:02:00.000+08:00

no amount of fireworks can light up an empty heart
no amount of laughter can make a broken heart smile
no amount of sappy music can make a dead soul sing
no amount of me will ever be complete without you

2011-01-31T08:48:00.000+08:00

the strangest things remind me of you,
the furthest distance can't stop me from missing you.
yet i know i'm afraid to love,
afraid to get lost in bliss,
only to wake up and find that it was yet another a short-lived dream.
if things had been different, i would have tried.
but things are not, and that's that.
perhaps determination won't wash away these feelings for you,
but at least i know that, right now, you're there.
❤

2011-01-21T19:03:00.000+08:00

SATs tomorrow ):

2011-01-08T15:39:00.000+08:00

hi beijing i'm back!:D
but that means homework, stress and studying for SATs.. :/
now i can't wait for Chinese New Year holidays!:D
❤

2011-01-07T19:52:00.001+08:00

thanks for being there (:

flying back to beijing in a couple of hours.):

why doesn't it ever get easier leaving each time?

no matter what happens back here, i'll always know i'm home with family and friends.

but being in beijing is like being in a permanent battlefield.

you just know that they won't rest till they get you down.

❥

2011-01-05T12:38:00.002+08:00

彻彻底底的明白了，就不再存在任何对你的牵挂和遗憾。

2011-01-01T05:10:00.002+08:00

the end of another year marks the start of a brand new one.
for most of us, there are way too many things that we can't bear to let go, can't bear to give up and can't bear to see it turn into a thing of the past.
in reality though, we don't have to.
stepping into 2011 is nothing more than a mere numerical change;
a change of calendars, a reason to look back and reflect, and an awesome excuse to party.
every year this time, i step back and think about every little detail that has occurred in my life and others around me for the past year.
and almost every year this time, i tend to make similar resolutions and wish for a better year.
but what we often neglect, knowingly or not, is what can one wish for that will ever be better than 'now'?
now is what gives us the strength to carry on, to study hard, to work hard, to reach for our dreams, to prevent him/her from slipping by your side, and to be happy.
now is what gives us the courage to live.
❤

2010-12-28T00:09:00.001+08:00

it's too late for regrets, too late to change the way things are.
because of you, i've learnt to ℒℴѵℯ someone not because of what they do for me, but simply because of who they are.
i've lost you way before you were ever mine, but i know it's what's best for you.
now it's time to pretend that these feelings never existed, and to pretend that i'm fine when i'm not.
but as long as you're happy, i'm happy for you.
❤

2010-12-25T08:43:00.002+08:00

Merry Christmas! ❤

how much force can you exert on an empty shell before it starts to crack?
how much pressure can you exert on an empty soul before it finally breaks down?
how far can one go without turning back to acknowledge a life full of regrets?
how much ℒℴѵℯ can make everything okay?

2010-12-15T14:27:00.002+08:00

so this is what it feels like to be in a room full of people yet feel completely alone.
so this is how it's like to recover from a broken heart only to find yourself left with a heart of stone.
so this is why no amount of smiles and laughter can fill the overwhelming emptiness hidden deep down.
so this is what it feels like to smile with your face but not with your heart.

so this is me without you.
❤

2010-12-10T23:22:00.001+08:00

hello sweetie ily ❤

2010-12-09T19:03:00.000+08:00

don't think that i don't care, because i care about you more than i care about anyone else.
and if it's anyone's fault that our relationship didn't work out, it's mine.
i would apologize to you over and over again, but i know that it wouldn't change anything, or lessen the hurt
i love you, but no matter how hard i try, i just can't be in love with you.
i know that it's not fair to hold on to you, so i didn't object when you wanted to leave.
but don't forget that i'll always be here, as a friend, and as someone who cares, more than you'll ever know.
❤

2010-12-02T06:56:00.005+08:00

Personality Test

(Click above to take your own!)

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you meet that person.
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

2010-11-29T19:25:00.000+08:00

don't know what to do, don't wanna think about it.

luckily, i have you ❤

2010-11-13T08:55:00.000+08:00

总觉得快乐是那么的遥不可及，却忽略了转角的幸福。

2010-11-11T22:35:00.000+08:00

fight, team, fight :D

this time, i'm gonna give ℒℴѵℯ a chance, because i know you're worth it. ❤

2010-10-17T23:30:00.000+08:00

perfect winter sunday night = crappy movie + someone to snuggle with + Chica running around + one steaming cup of hot coffee/chocolate

hmms, maybe someday. :D

2010-10-13T18:58:00.000+08:00

what if you feel used and unwanted, realizing one day that someone who was once a friend now turned out to be less than a mere acquaintance. what if you stuck by someone through thick and thin only to get annoyance in return. so what if i'm not fun, or funny. i was a friend to you. but in the real world, who really cares?

2010-10-09T21:26:00.001+08:00

need i say more? :D

2010-10-06T22:38:00.000+08:00

one day i promise to open my heart again, will you be the one to lead me back into love? ❥

2010-10-01T21:14:00.000+08:00

❤

2010-09-28T21:13:00.000+08:00

be my reason to smile(:

when words start to fail, silence says it all.

2010-09-25T23:37:00.003+08:00

photo credits: guofeng(:

if only i had the time to stop, breathe and appreciate the beauty of what's around me.

i miss feeling genuinely happy for more than ten seconds
i miss not having to worry about anything and everything
i miss not feeling the need to live up to everyone's expectations
i miss being ignorant enough to not consider the implications of my actions
i miss not knowing how to love or hate
i miss the innocence that anticipates the idea of love
i miss being brave enough to love

如果心狠狠地伤过，还能够放手去爱吗？后悔并不能挽回什么，但勇敢地走出那段错误的恋情才能够制造希望。

2010-09-02T20:28:00.001+08:00

tell me why i find it so difficult to keep up this facade?
i'd do anything, just to be normal. ❤

2010-08-29T18:03:00.001+08:00

is it some sort of twisted joke that i'm so passionate about helping the less fortunate, yet i can't even handle the one that's family.

2010-08-24T20:36:00.001+08:00

this time it's for real, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

2010-08-13T00:48:00.001+08:00

all you need is the right person to lead you right back into love ❤

baby,
when the stars are absent from the night sky,
when the wind stops blowing,
when the sun doesn't seem to shine,
when the rain starts pouring down,
and when thunderstorms are evading your world,
just know that that's when i'm missing you.

2010-08-11T02:28:00.007+08:00

sometimes, some things make you feel as if they're way too good to be true. and other times, the present often forces you to rake up the past that you would very much hope to forget. does the past serve as a constant reminder, a beautiful memory or a horrid nightmare? smiling, laughing and staying happy is an easy task, and more often than not, the happiness is genuine. but as night falls, you realise that none of it is real, and none of it lasts.. because at the end of the day, there's no you.

haha, the 'you' is relative cos it's non-existent! :D

2010-08-10T22:14:00.001+08:00

secretly, i can't stop thinking of you.(:

2010-08-10T11:05:00.001+08:00

when was the last time someone made you feel all warm and tingly?
when was the last time you felt breathless just thinking about someone?
when was the last time you were comforted by the thought of knowing that someone out there misses you, as much as you miss him?
when was the last time you can't wait for someone to call or to text you?
when was the last time you would smile in front of the computer screen at something sweet that someone said on IM?
when was the last time you crave for someone's hugs or kisses like it was a drug and you're the addict?
when was the last time you were in love?

2010-07-18T21:32:00.004+08:00

(L)

been back in singapore for over a week now.:D it's so awesome meeting up with old friends and catching up on the good old times. plus of course getting updated on high school dramas and gossips!:D yay, somehow every time i come back, i get the pleasant surprise of finding everyone just the way they were and how friendships don't seem to fade even after not meeting up for a whole year.:D can't wait to move back to singapore again, though beijing is pretty cool as well.:D missed this place so much! the people especially.:D

right now, all i want is someone who genuinely cares and loves me for who i am. no lies, no complications and definitely, no drama.

2010-06-30T15:04:00.002+08:00

ninjas!(:

heading back to beijing tomorrow! today's farewell was teary and touching. even though the program has ended, guess we'll all have a part of team mojo in us no matter where we are.(: it's so amazing how we can bond so well in merely ten days. ten short days felt like a year, and the camp farewell felt like some sort of graduation. the whole auditorium was filled with everyone hugging each other, crying our eyes out and saying our final goodbyes. goodbyes are always hard but inevitable, but it's nice to know that there's always this group of people who share the same dream as you, who are there for you, and who you absolutely love spending time with.(: who knows, maybe next summer, we'll all be back for NSLC advanced medicine and health care course, haha, that would be so awesome.(: the ending of something signifies the beginning of another, so despite the sadness of it all, let's just all remember the good times we've had and remember how we will always be part of team mojo!:D

"No one can go back and make a brand new start. Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." - Anonymous
(this quote is AWESOME.:D)

baby, it'll all make sense one day when we finally learn to love.(:

2010-06-27T13:23:00.004+08:00

NSLC medicine and health care program really made me think about what i wanna do in life and whether studying medicine or being a doctor is the right path for me. after learning so much more about medicine, receiving lectures from surgeons and watching videos about the lives of real-life doctors, it makes my whole perception of going into medicine change completely. did you know that the medical field is one of the professions with the highest divorce rates? hardly any successful doctors stay attached to their partners because they never have the time to manage a family. those doctors look so stressed out about life and along the way, most of them just lose their love for what they're doing! sure, i still fantasize about finding true love and having the 'perfect' family in future, but somehow i just can't give up my passion for medicine for an easy life. i mean, i'd love to have life flow smoothly along but i know that i'm gonna regret it if i don't even try out for medicine. of course there is an extremely high chance that i might not turn out to be a doctor or go into the medical field but by then at least i'd know i tried. most people found the documentary of the doctors' lives extremely disheartening but i actually feel excited about what i'm getting myself into! well, i still believe that with the right amount of passion, the right choice of partner and the positive attitude, doctors can have a good life too! haha, wow, my mind is in total chaos right now.:D

you've gone way over the line once again, maybe this will tell you never to try my tolerance this far. oh, and i finally don't give a shit about you anymore.(:

2010-06-25T13:45:00.002+08:00

NSLC is awesome!:D
go team!(:

2010-06-23T13:24:00.002+08:00

hello!:D i've been in san francisco for two days now, yet i'm still in a state of culture shock. the streets and shops here are so quaint and vintage, totally amazing. well, i love it!:D so far the national student leadership conference has been nothing but awesome!:D the only not awesome part of it is the fact that i had some serious jetlag last night and haven't gotten any sleep in the past 20 hours, with only 2 hours of sleep before that. haha, i know, i'm amazing.:D learnt a lot about medicine during the lectures by this neurosurgeon and watched awesome videos on neurosurgery. :D did lots of leadership training workshops too (yeah the typical stuff, but still fun!) and had nice little gatherings in small or big groups. :D people here are so friendly and nice, so.. american.:D haha, so glad i came! can't wait to go to the pier on thursday!:D

P.S. i've been eating way too much prunes.xP

2010-06-22T22:08:00.000+08:00

2010-06-20T10:13:00.000+08:00

if you love someone, can you even wait a second more before you see that person again? i can't. but if you can wait a whole summer, would you even call that love?

2010-06-16T09:06:00.000+08:00

baby, whenever i miss you, i close my eyes and count to ten, thinking back to the times we've had and hoping that you'll appear in front of me when i open my eyes again. you never did.

2010-06-06T13:52:00.000+08:00

yay yay! one LAST week of school! can't wait for summer holidays to begin!:D can't wait to go to the states and then to SINGAPORE from 9th JULY to 5th AUGUST!:D haha, this is as subtle as i can get with the announcement of my return!:D can't believe i finally get to go home! and i can finally meet up with L2P, 4ich, dumb, zrlq, 2d and people!:D well, if you still remember me!:D maybe i'll loiter around school to jolt some memories, heehee.:D really looking forward to summer, i can get rid of all the unpleasantness around hereeee, sighh. at least i've come to my senses and realized that i've made the right choice. how could i have been the only one who've refused to see the real you?:/ oh well, irregardless.:D vince is leaving for good at the end of next week.): so are a few other people, sadly, goodbyes are always so common in international schools, sigh. the graduation ceremony for the grade 12s yesterday made me feel like crying, haha. but somehow the people who you wish to say goodbye to, never seem to leave.. hmms, one more week till the end of school, 15 more days till the summer program and one more month till i'm going back HOME!(L)

shaowei, take care of yourself and good luck for the op!:D

2010-05-27T09:00:00.000+08:00

yay! school's ending soon, then i'll be off to UC Berkeley for my summer medicine program at the end of juneeee!:D hope this summer will be awesome, and i really, really wanna go back to sg!:D heehee

never again will i be cheated of my feelings, never again will i open my heart to someone who's gonna tear it apart. thanks for making the effort, but a leopard never changes its spots. ultimately, you're still the Casanova you always were.

2010-05-22T23:13:00.000+08:00

so happy to finally find myself again!:D there's no love, hate or regrets left, only relief and happy memories.(: thank you for everything for the past seven months, but we're ultimately happier without each other.:D maybe someday in future, we'd be friends again, but until that day, i'm glad to say that i've completely moved on.. and if i'm not wrong, so have you. so here's to a beautiful past, a proper ending and an unknown future.:D cheers yunan hao, and goodbye.(:

2010-05-19T06:21:00.000+08:00

waiting for the person you love is a long, lonely and miserable path, but love makes it endurable. but what does it mean to have to wait and hurt at the same time? whose heart will be able to take that? not mine, definitely. if getting hurt by someone means having to hurt the person back, then what's the point of taking time off to recover? and if love makes no exceptions, is that still love? i can wait forever for a person i love if that's what he wants, but i'd never wait a single second for a guy who's doing nothing but playing a love game. if love still exists, then please stop hurting me. if it doesn't, then our game ends now.

2010-03-23T17:07:00.000+08:00

having you sleep on my shoulder feels amazing. but i really wish i could make things better for you, baby it pains me to see you so helpless and dejected. i wish you could see what i see in you, believe in yourself for once, and you will be able to succeed. i believe you can, do you?

i love you, so much.

2010-02-27T07:37:00.002+08:00

sometimes, i wish i could be anyone but me. ♧

2010-02-24T20:04:00.002+08:00

hello love! ❥

soccer's my new love!:D

2010-02-07T00:05:00.004+08:00

after a day of laughs and smiles, it suddenly dawns onto me how happiness is so far beyond my reach. somehow, blasting music and attempting to do my homework in the middle of the night never fail to bring up mixed feelings of serenity and melancholy. weirdly, i kind of miss these feelings, it brings me back home. unfortunately, from what i observed, one of the aftereffects of happiness is sadness. behind all the cheeriness, maybe we'd all like to take a break once in a while. don't misunderstand, i am happy, most of the time at least. but at the same time, feeling sad can feel so right too. i know i'm not making much sense here, if any at all, but isn't that what life is all about? all our lives we've been trying to chase down what we don't have, and more often than not, we get it. the vicious cycle then repeats itself with the desire to have something more. so why not hit the brakes, stop, and just soak in the moment? i'm saying this more to myself than anyone else. someone, blow me home.

close your eyes and try to paint 'perfect'

2010-01-22T21:39:00.004+08:00

(hello, please don't read on if you're a non-believer :D)

have you ever thought that love was just a myth and an illusion people make up to fill up the empty spaces in their hearts? i might have doubted the chances of it happening to me, but i've always believed in its existence. and who can blame a girl for secretly hoping for a miracle. but you know what, it happened. all it took was just one look, one touch and one kiss. it's that simple to tell whether it's love or just another meaningless little fling. of course i'm not speaking from one with much experience, but i don't need comparison to see this love. falling in love is like baking, you start with the raw materials and work your way up to the final pastry that not only looks quaint and pretty, but melts at the tip of your tongue, filling you with sugary sweetness and a hint of heaven. as we all know, love isn't always sweet, remember the times when you added too much water to the batter? or got frustrated when the dough doesn't form? you fix it. it's as simple as that. baby you're the one who opened my heart, who brought me on this journey that i didn't even know i was gonna take. it's been one hell of a roller coaster ride, but every up, down and around was definitely worth it. thanks for always believing in me, and thanks for always believing in us. as much as i try to display nonchalance, you and i both know that our love is here to stay. i love you, forever and always. (L)

2009-12-07T21:15:00.005+08:00

2 down, 5 more to go!

assessment week is less stressful than i expected, perhaps it's just the start and that's why. in fact, i'm pretty bored right now, which explains why i'm blogging when i should be studying. it's english creative writing exam tomorrow, so i can't really study for that.:D hmms, i have these unexplainable constant fruit cravings lately.:D don't people usually crave for chocolates and brownies instead of apples and bananas? i get it, i'm weird.:D yes! four more days till the end of assessment week and two more weeks till the start of winter holidays, i'm so happy.(:

paint me a beautiful night sky ❤

2009-11-30T22:55:00.005+08:00

now, i'm pretty sure no one even comes here anymore. but that might be a good thing, cos this can now be my secret hideout.:D school is fine, lots of stress though, with assessment week coming. basketball season's been going great so far, won 2 matches and tied one. seriously though, how the hell does one handle schoolwork, personal project, sports and actually having a life all at the same time. answer: you don't. haha, i should learn to handle stress better.:D good news is, winter break's coming. it's gonna be awesome having so much time to hang out and have fun. maybe have a romantic little christmas getaway with a certain someone.:D but before that, i gotta get through school and assessments!:D hmms, sis is coming on wednesday, that'll be pretty cool.:D

jag alskar dig (L)

2009-11-15T20:30:00.004+08:00

nostalgia just hit me like a big scary school bus. everything here is great. but i miss my old life. i miss hanging out with the girls, surviving killer lessons with 4i, and playing basketball in school or at je. it's winter here, and freezing like hell. life goes on, everybody has to break away from where they are at some point in time. but maybe it's too soon for me, i don't want to forget the times we've had. ten years down the road, i wanna look back and remember rv, remember every single one of you that made a difference in my life.

on a brighter note, thanks for everything.(L)

2009-10-09T13:09:00.001+08:00

sentosa!<3

2009-10-04T10:50:00.004+08:00

hey hey hey

been back in singapore for two days now!:D met up with l2p and some of the guys.(: hanging out with them made me feel as if i never left. so maybe two months isn't all that long after all.:D except when i forgot that you gotta get off the green line and transfer to the red to get to bukit batok on the mrt. heehee, being here feels like home, which it is, and i wish i never had to leave again. okay this is starting to sound emo, which isn't very good.:D probably gonna sneak a trip back to school in the uniform one of these days, it'll be fun.:D so if you think you saw me in school one day, you ain't dreaming.(: i love singapore!<3

patriotic much?:D

2009-09-16T18:20:00.003+08:00

hello. games are back on, so is my trip back to singapore.(:

2009-09-08T19:06:00.002+08:00

it's time to let go, cos i know i've lost them, forever.

out of sight, out of mind.

learn the words, roxanne.

you know i'm happy for you guys(:

2009-09-02T22:45:00.002+08:00

:D going back to singapore next month during china's national day week long holidays. looking forward to shopping, sentosa, eating singapore food, inline skating maybe, moving house? wait i'm not really looking forward to that, haha i presume that there's gonna be a lot of work and it's gonna be simply exhausting. ooh, but i do have my own balcony in my new room! well, for now, school's alright, loads of assignments due next week! love volleyball training, but we need to work way harder! might delete the previous entry soon, it's too emo. heehee

2009-08-21T19:47:00.005+08:00

ex-tablemates!:D

hahahahaha! i can finally access blogger and facebook and stuff with proxy! and i am so not updating in response to the 'rv management' weirdo, who are you?! i have officially gotten through my not-so-glamourous first week of school at bcis! it was not as bad as i expected it to be, being the new girl and all. the people here are pretty friendly and awesome, but that doesn't stop me from missing dumb, z/drlq, l2p and 4i! :/ the lessons here are actually interesting, to a certain extent of course.:D i miss mr tan's math lessons! mdm jean's too of course, right wanyi?(oops!) :D joined the volleyball team this season, we've just started training and i have so much to learn! who can teach me how to serve with the ball actually going over the net for a change? hah, so yeah, things are pretty cool around here, can't wait to go back during winter hols!(:

2009-07-19T21:57:00.006+08:00

happy day today (:

section tee! (L)

had section outing with zdrlq!:D lots of people came! that's a first. they surprised me with a section tee! omg, i didn't even know when they made it. and to top it off, my initials were printed as part of the design to 'remember' me! hahaha actually it's just an R but very sweet indeed. :D went to west coast park to have our section picnic! they presented me with this bulletin board with photos of us and everyone's well wishes on it!:D i love it to bits! oh and thanks kheehui for the card(: wow, it's the first time i had a picnic with friends, pretty cool though.(: and very successful! especially with kheehui the picnic pro organizing the whole thing!:D took quite a number of pictures, then went off to play basketball! had to leave early to go to clarke quay for joce's performance at crazy elephant bar. waited freaking long before she got to perform and there was this really pushy waitress who kept annoying us haha. but it was worth the wait cos joce looked really cool :D and the second vocalist was simply awesomeeeee! so was joce by the way.:D joce's parents drived me home.(: the end!

2009-07-17T19:56:00.008+08:00

17/07/2009

was the last day of RV school life for me.

today was a day filled with happiness,sadness, crying, hugs, laughter and lots picture-taking

thank you so much 4ich for the balloons, banner, slideshow, cake, hugs, farewell wishes and everything. (:

thanks for making my last day of school so very memorable, it was really sweet of everyone, but somehow that made me sadder than ever, to know that i'd be leaving such an awesome class with 33 other amazing people.

it doesn't matter how close or not i was with each and everyone of you, but as long as you're part of 4i, i know i'll never forget you. :D

i was totally touched by everything, and special thanks to licensed to play, i love you guys, forever and always. (L)

pretty 'banner'

liewweilin!:D

4ich! (sorry for the darkness, it was taken against the sunlight.)

alright, warning, gross looking pictures of me coming up, cos of all the crying and stuff :/

puffy faces

michelle weisin sihua changning!

chenxi huimin annies!

amelia cherie pris sonjia!

pretty netballers leeyin and cyn!

chem lab mates

physics mates!:D

went to vivo with DUMB after school (with the exception of sihua) watched harry potter and camwhored at the sky garden. :D

harry potter was pretty nice i suppose, cos i never read the book. and was kinda fascinated by zhenzhi crying beside me throughout the last quarter of the movie hahaha, wanted to laugh at one part but saw zhenzhi crying so badly that i had to suppress the giggle.:/ yay vic we're cold-blooded.:D

met weilin, sonjia, pris and ningqian at sky garden, witnessed a bunch of little kiddies asking for weilin's number hahahahah! it was totally hilarious, good thing they gave up due to freda and sonjia's snide remarks.:D

had a fun time with DUMB, haha, the best friendships never grow old.(:

(L)

2009-07-13T20:45:00.005+08:00

hello!

today is ALFREDA CHENG aka TABLEMATE's SWEET SIXTEEN!:D

happy birthday freda! stay happy and pretty!(: love you fellow fatty!

2009-07-12T11:08:00.004+08:00

hey guys (if you happen to be reading this)

i'm so sorry for all that has happened.

sorry for being so ignorant

sorry for being insensitive

sorry for making you guys feel like i don't care

but i do, more than you'll ever know

i really wanna make things right

and if broken friendships are like broken glass,

then i'll go that extra mile to melt the glass and mould it back.

i'm sorry

2009-07-05T21:06:00.003+08:00

when all your life you've been so accustomed to your surroundings, so emotionally tied to so many people, some more than others and a certain few that you know you'll never, ever forget. and all of a sudden, you just gotta let go of everything, things that you thought you belonged to, and things that you thought belonged to you. having your whole life crash in front of you, do you know how that feels like? well, i do.

school application is done. flight has been booked. half the bookshelf is empty. somehow, that makes it seem more real than ever. never given it much of a thought but now, not much of a choice is there, when the facts come slapping you right in the middle of your face. there were so many things i regretted doing, so many people i regretted hurting, and most importantly, so many things i regretted not saying. too late now, isn't it? three years isn't all that long, but long enough for one to be forgotten.

i know i'll never forget you, but how long will i stay in your mind?

(sorry for the overly emo post hahaha, please ignore :D )